My heart broke into a million pieces when she said they're going to replace it after all..........all my,our efforts to produce a logo that's visible

For a moment, it was mental breakdown for me....and I am still recovering from it.

If I knew, I wouldn't spend so much time on it....

It hurts...it hurts so badly, ouch

Do you know how lonely it can get for me....

It's just a feeling of emptiness....

It's mentally draining....

It's tiring....

Why do i always end up having to give in, initiate......can't i just be on the receiving side sometimes..?

Am i being too emotional, am  i asking too much care....

Is it wrong to feel this way...

Maybe i am just very tired from everything..

After tons of attempts to meet up. After months of planning, at last we found a date where most of us can make it. Chalet was cancelled so in the end, we rented the bbq pit and decided to have a reunion food session there..06/01/13

It was a success, unexpectedly haha. Because most of the time, only ~15 would make it, but this time round more than 20 came down :) With the generous Nir treating us with wholesale bbq food, Im's homemade marinated wings by her mum, packs of marshmallows, my cupcakes and Masyitah's...it was a food festival!

It was just really overwhelming happiness meeting up with these bunch or dorky people hahaha. It's been so long since we have a proper meetup and not clique meetup >.<. After all these years, we still are the same when we're together the kecohness and craziness are just like last time.

From 4pm to nearly 630pm, we spent there trying to lit up a fire lol. The wind was against us, the fire starter sucks. It was nearly 7pm when we managed to bbq foods. We were already starving and food were just starting to cook. As usual, everytime there's a bbq, i'll be the one cooking and testing the chicken wings, making sure it's cooked properly to be eaten hahah.

Laughter and reminiscence filled up the entire atmosphere throughout. We even prayed there, totally made ourselves at home. We laid a mat and took turns and some jemaah to pray. It was just a cute and beautiful  scene. Made me miss those times when we will lay out all the praying mats and pray together in class.

Apparently, i am the "girl who sits at concourse in front of her laptop/discussing with a group of freinds"...hahah i cant even they made it as if i dont have a life.....well in sch i guess i dont. And Nadia with her excuse of "spring cleaning ______". We are all forever "front-stabbing" each other. Good times~

These bunch of people that i met for 7 years and some for 15 years (fr p1), it's amazing how we still manage to keep in contact until now. Some are in London, Cairo, Malaysia..each furthering their studies and continuing their journey towards their dream and success. While the rest of us are continuing our studies here in our homeland.

Friends till the end? Yes, i wished for that. I hope we can continue on even when we're all successful in our paths InsyaAllah.

More outings soon pls~~ I love the time spent even though i had class the next morning and didnt have enough sleep xD

The year is going to end. 2013...should be a fresh new beginning, i guess.

Honestly, it's kinda scary for me. I have yet to make concrete decisions. I do have a plan for next year but, planning so much..you dont even know what's going to happen later on.

My dream....was to study overseas and get my degree, continue masters later on if possible. But, in my situation, as much as i know there's a higher chance for me to be accepted in various uni in Australia or UK compared to Singapore, i cant. Financially, i am unable to. And so, i've planned to try my best to get into SIT and then work....if no SIT, means i'll work for 2 years and study abroad (which i hope not).

But in life, you can plan so much without any definite results. That's why i hate making decisions and planning so ahead of time. Higher expectations would only mean more disappointment, and i dont want that.

I hate to say this...to be honest, i still have my doubts and hesitations about my future job prospective. A nutritionist, a nutrition researcher, a dietitian..? I am interested in writing a cooking book for healthier choices. I would love to bake and make a dessert recipe book  that includes alternatives to make it healthier and such. And i dream of opening a tea and cupcake shop. I have so much in mind, but i dont know which one..maybe do both at once? hahah like a fun~

To think about the future is a must, but i love living enjoying the present hahah. So currently, living in present and thriving for the best in what im doing right now is my priority. Well, sometimes it does sucks when things just screw up and your efforts are neglected but that's life, right.

I hope for a happy and successful 2013. I pray for the best, for myself, my family and my friends. May the force be with us!~~ ^_^

Most of the time, all the time actually.. i hate to be that person who don't know anyone, don't know what's going on...just ignorant of everything.

It's not like i want to be ignorant....and i do want to find out who/what/where/why. It's just that sometimes,things just get way over, i'm too outdated and then...i start giving up to find out more.

It's tiring for me to keep asking as much as people keep explaining to me.

But yeah....it is my fault for not being attentive in the beginning. I know....and i've been trying hard to be part of everything. So don't ever think i never even thought about it, never take the initiative whatsoever, i do care. Even i hate myself for being such an insensitive, ignorant person......i don't even know what's wrong with me.

Yesterday was the last day of term tests~~

As much as I 'suffered' during the day trying to stuff my brain with the crack load full of information, the paper was doable, everything that i went through came out, alhamdulillah :)

Spent the rest of the day with bestie, watched "A Werewolf Boy" . A movie I've been dying to watch, well firstly because of the intriguing plot, secondy, my OTP Song Joong Ki and Park Bo Young. Started shipping these two, while watching fancam of them promoting the movie. I know this ship wont go real, but i cant help myself, they looked damn cute and comfortable with each other.

So while waiting for the show, as usual, we went to the arcade and played basketball. Hahah, our favourite hang-out place. Released stress playing one of the game where you hit the mole continuously when it appears...hit till my arm felt numb hahaha.

So....the movie was really good. I like the plot, i like how everything made sense. I love how its very warm and fluffy and funny and then its sad and heartbreaking...it's bittersweet. It's a movie where i can go watch for a second time. It's that kind of movie where you'll go "aaawwww", and then cry your eyes out later. The people behind me specifically the guy was irritating the world out of me, i wanted to kill him. he was whining and complaining, i bet he was forced to go with his girlfriends. He kept comparing it with twilight, saying it's the korean twilight, oh dear god no. It's more like edward scissorshand. But it the end he was crying his eyes out like a baby, sniffing non-stop, i was distracted and can't really "feel" it and cry properly lol.

It ended quite late, and all the shops are closing, so we ended the day with chewy junior~  A day well spent for me, started depressing yet quite productive and tears and laughter in the end.

Holidays are starting for me, hurrah!!~~~ but i still feel quite bleargh by the fact that i have to keep checking my website and do more changes for my major project. But....i shall enjoy till next monday at least hehe.

Im not always fond of taking the initiative to speak to someone first if i dont know them that well....so i always appreciate it when the other person starts the conversation. It's awkward for me to start talking when we dont even talk that much.....and if we dont know that well, and im always the one talking first, i have this feeling that im annoying you or something. So...it was really nice to be able to continue the conversation since you started it first. I felt more relieved hahah. It's just my personality...it'll take time for me to talk to someone so casually and not sound like an awkward turtle trying to start a conversation..So, thank you for yesterday..(:

"You seems to be more into nutrition, right..?".....well, spot on~!

I Still Survive~

Well hello blog....it's been more than a year since i last update you.

Let's see......this past year, time passed by like a flash and guess what, there's only approximately 3 more months before i graduate. YESSS graduate and get the hell out of TP hahah. Nahh, it's not like i hate TP, i just wanna get it over, get the freaking diploma.

I'm blessed to be able to do my internship in Adelaide last May, a dream that i've been trying to fulfil since year 1....i'm thankful to my parents, to the awesome and nice ppl there and of course my partner,Natassha. I wouldnt be having so much fun there if i went with someone else that's for sure. I had the time of my life there, it's an eye-opener and a great experience for me. And although im 100% sure i wont be going to study there any sooner, hahah....i hope i'll be back there to take my masters or something InsyaAllah :)

And back to present day.......things have been going uhmm quite well but not quite. I have no problems with classmates whatsoever....studies are quite okay too...major project aint that good but thank goodness for teammates.

I realised something about me....i've been more laidback than ever....it's like im just trying to enjoy this last semester without any regrets....hopefully. I may get stressed up once in a while, but then i'll just shake it off with some tumblr-ing or watching dramas. I'll just shrug it off...the things that make me upset or disappointed....it is a good thing, right? hahaha

And as always, there's not much drama in my life....zilch...... oh there is one, when friends decided to matchmake me with someone..but no i am not interested so.....that shouldnt count. We' ll see how my life might be interesting from now on~~

Long draggy post, see you next time~~~~~~

Today was a mixture of feelings..... well i expected it. Its results day but its also a day out with my clique....kinda torn haha

i knew this was gonna happen...i screwed up my CA..so i deserved it. But as a human..when i see my gpa dropped..my heart just..... I dont want to be a wet blanket so i tried real hard to not shed a tear. The feeling of keeping it all in,holding back those tears...it pains. It really hurt me..i felt my heart wrenching literally from time to time and feeling breatheless when it comes. The disappointment i had in myself.......i cant even express.

People tried to cheer me up and i appreciate it all...but somehow it made me more emotional. Luckily i managed to hold it in stopping those tears from falling,smiling and laughing to erase all those emotions. Im just disappointed in myself..nothing else. it kinda made it worse seeing all my other frens scoring so well......heh

4 more sems..i need to score MUCH better..but i know its gonna be a harder journey down the road...good luck to me.

reading back my blog posts..i realized how much i changed as a person...good or bad...im not sure about that.

Through this 2 whole sem of poly, i found a bunch of great frens and i found a new me. Im still quite introvert when im not close with someone..but instead of staying inside my shell now i speak up. Instead of waiting for people to approach me,i took the initiative first..whether or not i want to be recognized haha.

I hope i changed for the better...because i realized how selfish ive been all this while..how insensitive and ignorant i was. Ive met more people and know more characters...i used to live in this small circle of community. Im now more used to the big world...opening up more than i used to. It made me more mature in thinking and more open-minded.

At nearly 3am in the morning and the whole reflecting thingy im blabbing is because tmr is the D-day..results!1 and im damn scared....just typing to make me less anxious about it..but seems like butterflies in my stomach aint going away haha.