it's been nearly 2yrs since i prepare myself for this.....to get into a uni.

the amount of research and struggles i went through..delays after delays, rejections acceptance only to reject again.....

Finally, i decided on a uni, with honours, getting exempted a yr. it seems like the most feasible one. I researched on loans, scholarships...and i finally am eligible to apply with 2 guarantors.

Previously, i got degraded, insulted about my actions, about how im selfish, how i didnt think about the family from that someone who refused to help.

For once, i thought things were going smoothly. But today i found out, there's been an issue. my mum decided not to use of the guarantors, to avoid any obligations.

Of course, i understand that..of course i do...but there's more to it. i need to go home and find that out.

The thought of begging that someone to be my guarantor, again,,the one who degraded me..it sucks. But i guess i have no choice left. It sucks really badly...

struggles after struggles..to the point i felt like if this is the one for me. am i right to choose this difficult path. is this worth it? i ask myself every other day if all this is gonna be worth it anyway.

i found myself saying yes...this is what i wanted. nothing else interests me.

at this point, i guess all i could do is pray. continuously pray that it's the right one, even if it's this difficult. maybe there's something out there that will help me soon enough. maybe i can loan less because of this...

it's really..such a downer.....but i wont give up yet.