Today was a mixture of feelings..... well i expected it. Its results day but its also a day out with my clique....kinda torn haha

i knew this was gonna happen...i screwed up my CA..so i deserved it. But as a human..when i see my gpa dropped..my heart just..... I dont want to be a wet blanket so i tried real hard to not shed a tear. The feeling of keeping it all in,holding back those tears...it pains. It really hurt me..i felt my heart wrenching literally from time to time and feeling breatheless when it comes. The disappointment i had in myself.......i cant even express.

People tried to cheer me up and i appreciate it all...but somehow it made me more emotional. Luckily i managed to hold it in stopping those tears from falling,smiling and laughing to erase all those emotions. Im just disappointed in myself..nothing else. it kinda made it worse seeing all my other frens scoring so well......heh

4 more sems..i need to score MUCH better..but i know its gonna be a harder journey down the road...good luck to me.

reading back my blog posts..i realized how much i changed as a person...good or bad...im not sure about that.

Through this 2 whole sem of poly, i found a bunch of great frens and i found a new me. Im still quite introvert when im not close with someone..but instead of staying inside my shell now i speak up. Instead of waiting for people to approach me,i took the initiative first..whether or not i want to be recognized haha.

I hope i changed for the better...because i realized how selfish ive been all this while..how insensitive and ignorant i was. Ive met more people and know more characters...i used to live in this small circle of community. Im now more used to the big world...opening up more than i used to. It made me more mature in thinking and more open-minded.

At nearly 3am in the morning and the whole reflecting thingy im blabbing is because tmr is the D-day..results!1 and im damn scared....just typing to make me less anxious about it..but seems like butterflies in my stomach aint going away haha.